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March 2012

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turning inside out.

I feel so utterly lost at times, for the most part i feel really a lot better then I did in a long time me and the guy I was seeing a while ago, are starting to chat a bit more again, and almost dear I say flirt, I think that we still have an attraction between us, I think there is just a fear of going to far, and possibly hurting someone else in the process.

I know a lot of my friends disagree with my simple thought of that if a certain person feels right then there is a reason for that.
but I just simply can't shake this feeling with this guy, he had his heart completely broken by a girl he liked and wanted something with but she did not. And he had got his heart broken several times before in the past, so even thought he does like me and is attracted to me he thinks it will end the same as it has before for him in the past.

its just very odd to feel good and to feel hopeful but also feel hurt, it doesn't really help me that I am on my period now so I get to be even more hormonal then usual. My emotions have been going on this up and down roller coaster for now a whole month and I would love to just shut it off if I could, but my emotions are not the equivalent of a light switch
but journaling about my feelings has seemed to help. I don't really need sympathy I just want to get things feelings out of me when I need to and this is a good environment to do that.

I still feel like out of the ashes of all this something good can come from it, maybe I just need to be patient.