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March 2012

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I feeel honestly and truly like I need to get this off my chest or I will probably have horribe side effects later.
since I seem to make a habit of holding my emtions in.

I have meet a guy out in st.louis that I honesty and truly like a lot. He is poly like me is married to a nice lady and has a girlfriend. He claims to me he does not want anything more then that in his life right now.....but some times I do wonder. its becoming harder and harder to deal with because I have found that I feel very cofertable within poly family units and i would honestly be more interested in such a dinamic as that since I am used to it and if done with the right people can be a very enjoyable thing.

I enjoy what I already have a warm welcoming friends with benefits relationship.....and someone I seem to be able to meet and hang out with for sex that cares about me not just themselves in the situation. Which sadly I have had a lack of sense I came to st.louis.

I have not been able to sit down and talk to him for a little while now and it does kind of bug me since he ahas told me before he would always be ok with trying to talk to him. And he did give me the impression he wanted to continue what we had together...but now I am not sure as to just why the lack of communication is going on. I feel the best thing to do is to leave it alone and let it breath......but I want to be honest with him i want him to know how much I would like to have a relationship with both him and his girls...but I almost feel like a total coward.....I am not bold enough to try and ask such a thing of this man. He is a dear and sweet friend that has always been nothing but kind to me and someone I totally feel I can relate to.
:( why do my searches for happyness nearly always seem to end bitterly