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March 2012

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so this may or may not be something thats a big deal, but lately I have grown quite close to a person I have known for a little while as a friend of mine, we have dated a lil bit and we both seem to like each other quite a lot but we have both agreed that taking things slow and just being friends that date for now would be a good course of Acton to take however he has been extremely depressed as lately mostly cause he got laid off from a job that he thought he was doing fairly well at and he seemed to enjoy.
now he has a job that he really dis likes and that is causing him lots of emotional trama, I want to find a way to help make this person feel better because i care for him but I have to bare in mind that I have my own issues in my life as well. I know how it feels to be wrapped up in the feeling of despair and hatred even towards ones self just cause you have so many problems and they all seem to just bare down on you and never leave you alone that and the fact that other people don't even want to admit to the fact their is an issue at hand its far to easy to just pass it off and ignore the issue instead of facing it head on.

I think what I am afraid of the most is in midst of all this new emotional feelings that I feel (mostly the good ones from feeling like I have someone back in my life again) will slip away from me by force. Thats what happened in my last relationship, the guy was so emotionally unstable in so many way he felt he would end up hurting me more if we stayed together, and it even got to the point where he lied to me, in an attempt to try to keep me from being hurt when in fact all he did was by being a coward he ended up hurting me even more.

telling someone you love, you don't want to be with them anymore but still remaining a friend, but then telling them in hushed whisper they never truly stopped loving you, is a crock of shit, I wish I could phrase that more appropriately more un harshly but it just is. By him pushing me away and lying to me about things it not only broke my heart over and over again, but tore what trust I had left in him to shreds.

it took me a very long time to get over that kind of heart ache since I believed with all my heart and soul that him and I were meant to be together, and now i am afraid the same might happen now. I suppose I am grateful this is going on while we just friends and not as item, but all this confusion doesn't hide the fact I still care for this person.

I am not sure what to do in the situation I barely sure there is much to be done from me at all but just be there and be known as person who cares, and maybe I won't get pushed to the side like I have been before in the past.